(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
27. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT
(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
28. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)
(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
30. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
31. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
32. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) @#%$ you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
33. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
34. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
35. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
36. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
37. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
38. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
39. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
40. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
41. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
42. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
43. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
44. CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
45. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
46. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
47. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
48. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
49. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.
50. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
51. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
52. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
53. ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
54. ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
55. ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
56. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
( [atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.
57. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
58. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about theism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
59. ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior. Because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
60. ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
61. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
62. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible, or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
63. ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE
(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional desires.
(2) But they're atheists, so they can't.
(3) Therefore, atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they feel like without worrying about committing sin.
(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
64. ARGUMENT FROM HATE
(1) Some atheists hate Christians and Christianity.
(2) That's why they don't believe in God.
(3) Pathetic, aren't they?
(4) Therefore, God exists.
65. ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
66. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
67. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.
68. ARGUMENT FROM HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3)Therefore, God exists.
69. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists
ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
2) Atheist: of course.
3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?
Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?
9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
3 Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is this going?
....
81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and J'' are true. Agreed?
82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING!?
....
177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all obviously valid. Agreed?
17 [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust]
179) Therefore, God exists.
71. MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)
1) Question for atheist population: [apparently random question]
2) Your answer is wrong.
3) Therefore, God exists.
72. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY
1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of God.
2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]
3) Therefore, God exists.
73. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
1) You use lots of big words.
2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.
